How to be a Leader

Last year, as part of a employee development activity at work, I read "The Leader with no Title" by Robin Sharma.

Since then, I have thought about the book a lot. 

But I'm not sure whether it has helped me, or made me more confused.

The Leader with no Title was the first motivational, leadership, career-building self-help book I've ever read. And I'm glad to have read it. But I don't think that it has motivated me to read many more.  

It's written in what they call a 'modern day fable' style, which makes it a really easy read.  It is also filled with many gems of wisdom and inspirational quotes, which, although individually valuable, quickly become overwhelming and tedious when they are so often repeated, and paraphrased, page after page.

In addition to the pages full of cliches, I was also bothered by the acronyms for the "leadership conversations", given as a means to remember and practise the values that yield leadership.  For example:

The Fourth Leadership Conversation – To be a great leader, first become a great person: SHINE: See clearly, Health is wealth, Inspiration matters, Neglect not your family, Elevate your lifestyle.

I mean, really?

I was also initially quite annoyed by the main premise of the book: that you don't need to be a manager or 'big-wig' to be valuable to your company.  It almost seemed like a conspiracy.  Like if some HR directors and CEOs figured out that they may be able to get their average-joe employees to contribute more to the bottom line by boosting their esteem, telling them that they too can be leaders, and convincing them that the big paycheques, corner offices and managerial perks aren't really important in life.

Yes, it's true.  The managerial perks and big paycheques aren't the most valuable things in life.  A meaningful life comes from doing what we love and loving what we do.  I get that. 

The book focuses a lot on what we can do to improve our lives, rather than looking externally for things to make our lives better.   Quite similar to the circle of influence described by Steven R. Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. 

Another book I haven't read.  But probably should.

It just doesn't always seem that simple.  And the reading of this one book was definitely not enough to have me utterly convinced that its a simple concept to practice and embrace. 

And yet still, I try.

I did take several ideas away with me which I keep going back to in my own head.

Victims make excuses, Leaders find solutions

• Now there's a challenge.  If making an excuse is going to define me as a victim, that's something I want to avoid.  It's just so easy to offer excuses.  There I go again.  Partly why I've adopted a new mantra of 'no excuses'.   To keep me positive.  To keep me from being a victim.

Small daily improvements – over time – lead to stunning results.

• This is an example of one of those 'inspirational quotes' which could easily become cliche, and yet, it is a comforting and motivational idea.  One that makes big things seem not just bearable but surmountable.

Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts we’ve repeated over and over until we’ve made them into personal truths.  Every belief inevitably becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

• When talking about being authenic, and true-to-self, Robin Sharma warns to be careful about how we think of and describe ourselves... Which got me to thinking that describing myself as JustAnAverageWorkingMom might be holding me back.  But how can we balance realism and motivation?

Leadership is about knowing very little about most things and a staggering amount about a few things.  Getting things done is not the same as doing great things.

• I think this is a great point about multi-tasking.  I remember struggling even as a kid, wanting to do so many different things, but being dissatisfied with never being exceptional at any of them.  Apparently it is better to focus your efforts and energies.  I believe that now.

The fear you move through when you go to the edge of your limits actually causes your limits to expand. 

• I really like this thought.  It's similar to the piece of advice on my Lululemon lunch bag: Do one thing every day that scares you.  I seldom do, and yet I recognise how important it is for personal development.

The deeper your relationships, the stronger your leadership.  Leave every single person that intersects your path better, happier, and more engaged than you found them.

• Again, the negative voice in my head is speaking up.  I'm just not a people person.  And yet I know how important this is.  Something I definitely need to work on.

I don't know if I'd describe The Leader with no Title as a life-changing read.  But it certainly has stuck with me.

Skiing at Smuggs

I'm still in the first couple of days back to reality after our family holiday last week.  After a wonderful vacation, followed by a busy weekend, it has certainly been hard to readjust to routine.  I don't quite feel ready to give up the holiday mindset.  Not just yet.   

So please allow me to fondly the details of our trip...

It was our annual family ski holiday with our in-laws.  Although we've skied in Vermont many times over the years, this was our first trip to Smugglers' Notch. 

Excited to have our three young girls learn to ski, we chose Smuggs this year because it is always highly rated by national ski magazines as a great resort for families, with excellent kids' ski programs.  Smugglers' Notch certianly did not disappoint!

Thanks to the incredible generosity of Grandma and Papa, the girls were registered for a week's worth of ski lessons.  Alice, not quite 3, and 4 1/2 year old Sophie were registered for five days of Discovery Dynamos Camp.  Six year-old Madeleine was signed up for four days of Adventure Camp and an additional half-day lesson.

Aside from lunch and bathroom breaks, the kids were all out in the snow from about 9 o'clock in the morning until 2:30 in the afternoon.  The afternoon program involved cookies, hot chocolate or lemonade and entertainment from the likes of The Friendly Pirate, a Magician, or a Science Show.

We couldn't believe it, but Little Alice was on the chair lift at Sir Henry's Hill by the third morning!  And Sophie and Madeleine were going past mid-station and skiing down from the top by their third day!  The teachers were kind, fun, supportive and overall amazing.

At the Cookie Races on Thursday afternoon, it was absolutely amazing to watch them ski down their little race courses.  And the pride on their faces when the reached the bottom to get their cookie and Snow Sport University diploma from Billy Bob Bear was priceless.

True to their accolades, the children's programs and activities at Smugglers' Notch were incredible.  And we didn't even get to take advantage of them all.  We did spend some time in the pool, and we checked out the FunZone, but with all-day skiing, the kids were very tuckered out by dinnertime.  One night, they were all asleep by just after 7 o'clock!  So we never made it to the skating rink, or to go tubing, and we unfortunately missed the Showtime Characters Dance Party on Thursday night, where winners from the Cookie Race are announced and race videos are shown.  Thursday nights also feature a Torchlight Parade and Fireworks.  We didn't get out to see the torchlight parade down the mountain, but we were able to watch the fireworks from the bedroom window in our condo.   It was a thrill for our little ones to watch fireworks for the first time.

We grown-ups were pretty tired out too.  Somehow I always forget how tiring a ski trip can be.  Being with Grandma and Papa for the trip, we would have had free babysitting if we were feeling lively enough for an evening out, which we never did.  But even for families who don't travel with their own babysitters, the Treasures daycare centre at the hill offers an "Kids Night Out Package":  for $30 a child, you can leave your kids (ages 3-11) at the centre for dinner and entertainment. How cool is that!

Perhaps the biggest downside to our trip was the weather.  (Thank you global warming.)  Not enough snow at this time of the season meant that my husband wasn't able to try out some of the expert runs he would have liked to ski.  And the +16oC weather on Wednesday, unfortunately made for some soggy skiing, and closed even more runs.  We were glad to see it get cold again on Thursday, but the rapid thaw followed by freezing temperatures left the slopes like 'skiing on a washboard', according to my husband.  I  wouldn't know since I chose to stay inside that morning and nap.  (Also important to any good holiday.) By Friday morning though, after some snowmaking and grooming, conditions were good again for our final morning of skiing on our trip.

We were also a little disappointed by the choice of restaurants and lack of shopping.  We brought and food for breakfasts and lunches, as well as meals for two evenings.  But part of the fun of a ski trip is heading out to check out some local restaurants at the resort or in the town nearby.   We had a decent meal at Morse Mountain Grille & Pub in the resort village on the night of our arrival, and ordered some great pizza from Riga-Bello's Pizzeria one night too.  But a trip into Jeffersonville to scout out restaurants for another meal left us a little disappointed.  We ended up at Three Mountain Lodge which had a charming ambience and fireside dining.  And although the kids menu was enjoyed by our little ones, I think our adult meals were little more than satisfactory.  

However, all in all, it was a great trip:  The girls can ski! Really ski!

The highlight of the trip for Daddy and Papa was skiing with Madeleine and Sophie after the Cookie Races. (Poor little Alice was exhausted and desparately needed a nap!) Sophie even asked to go for another run - It was like a dream come true!

We're looking forward to returning again next year.  And hoping for more snow!

Suppertime with Shirley Bassey

I've found another terrific parenting/cookbook!  

(Actually, my sister discovered it.  She had borrowed it from the library then loaned it to me.  I've since signed it out again in my name and renewed it twice... I'm just not ready to give it up yet!  This statement may be interpreted as a suggestion for a Christmas/birthday gift.)

Dinner: A Love Story, evolved from a website, written by former magazine food writer and editor, and mom of two, Jenny Rosenstrach, and it is a pure pleasure to read.

Although it is filled with simple, healthy, quick family dinner recipes, what I really love about this book is that it's not so much a cookbook, but a working mom's memoir about her commitment to preparing healthy meals and have dinner together as a family.

I knew right away that I could relate to Jenny Rosenstrach when she wrote about her meal log - her 'dinner diary'.  She has faithfully recorded every dinner cooked and/or eaten since 1998!   A little obsessive, perhaps, but definitely organised.  As many working moms have learned, she further proves that being organised about meal planning is very helpful in conserving whatever shred of  sanity that we can save.

Her story begins in the pre-children phase, when she and her husband began establishing their "rituals, relationships, and repertoires".   Learning recipes; supplying the cupboards, shelves and drawers with the essential tools and cookbooks; gaining appreciation for quality ingredients;  hosting easy and inexpensive dinner parties, and all-in-all, getting comfortable in the kitchen and laying the ground work for the soon-to-be family love affair with dinner.  

Some great 'back-pocket' recipes are introduced here, such as pasta with herbs and bread crumbs, black bean burritos, and oh, the wonderful chicken pot pie.   I wish I had taken a photo of the chicken pot pie... it was not only scrumptious, but beautiful.  (Note to self: put this on the meal plan again for next week.)

The story continues with discussions of her techniques and strategies for surviving new parenthood while still having decent and healthy meals. Her talk about having 2 children under 2 obviously resonated strongly with me (I even got to extend this crazy period of life to having 3 under 3 1/2... a lot of which is a blur) and brought back many memories: 

• eating meals in shifts
• trips to the grocery store being a special outing
• walking through the day caring for young kids in a foggy, sleep-deprived haze, and
• the extreme importance of successfully dividing and conquering the roles and responsibilities involved in running a household while parenting little children

Reading this chapter also made me recall how proud I felt on those days when we successfully prepared a decent meal and had all the clean up done before I collapsed into bed.   It was always such an accomplishment.  I have no real recollection of the meals that we ate.  Alas, I didn't keep a dinner diary.

I chuckled out loud reading about her 'onion trick'.  My mom always used to say the same thing... as soon as you start sauteing an onion, the kitchen smells like something good is cooking.

From this section, I tried the apricot-mustard baked chicken, chicken with bacon-y brussel sprouts, spinach tomato and feta frittata, and fish presents.  All delicious and well-received!

Spinach, tomato and feta fritatta

Apricot-mustard baked chicken with roasted vegetables

Chicken with bacon-y brussel sprouts

(My photographs do not do the meals any real justice; the photographs in the book , both of the meals and of everyday life, are outstanding.)

As her children grew from being toddlers to little kids, the author promises that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - the milestone of preparing and sitting down to family dinners without too much stress, fuss or fighting is upon us.   That glorious moment when you realise that your children are playing happily and you can sneak away to start preparing dinner.   I am coming to really appreciate the kids programming on TV after we get home from school so that I can have a few moments of relative peace to pour myself a glass of wine and start cooking.
With wine in hand is how I found myself preparing the recipes for royal salmon with yogurt-mustard dill sauce, and mustardy pork chops with apples and onions. 

Since dinner preparation is usually only begins at about 5:45 at our house, the primary criteria for recipe selection is preparation time.  Besides being made from fresh ingredients, it's important to point out that most of the recipes in this book take less than 40 minutes to prepare.  And most importantly - the preparation time written for the recipe is accurate!  Including vegetable chopping-, and trip-upstairs-to-help-the-2-year-old-wipe-her-bum-and-wash-hands time!

Whether fictitious or not, I laughed at the correspondence between husband and wife about barbecuing fears and responsibilities; I too, am not only fearful of the using grill itself, but afraid of stepping into my husband's territory!

I also loved Jenny's parenting philosophies and her interpretation of creating habits and routines as an example of laziness.  But in a good way.   When rituals are in place for getting ready for school, dinnertime, bedtime, etc., we as parents don't need to think too much.  We can resort to autopilot, which is kind of what we need at the end of a long day.

Aside from some great recipes, there are also many gems of ideas in this book:

• chalkboard painting of tried and true family recipes to the inside of a kitchen cupboard
• a make-shift miniature 'dollhouse' created with magazine photographs on the inside of a kitchen cupboard
• a list of essential items and cookbooks for every kitchen
• the 'conversation starters' for children at the dinner table
• an exact schedule and menu for hosting a grown-up dinner party with children 'underfoot'

I don't read a lot of cookbooks, so I don't know whether her approach is unique or not.  But I certainly enjoyed the way that the recipes were interspersed with little explanations and personal stories of their relevance in her life.  It was the personal anecdotes of familiar situtations which made the book so enjoyable, and also encouraged me to believe that creating healthy family meals with young children is possible.  Definitely not easy, but certainly doable.

Now you can see why I've been so reluctant to return Dinner: A Love Story to the library.   It's due back on Friday.  I promise to return it so someone else can enjoy it as much as me.

Á manger comme les Français (To eat like the French)

As you've probably heard, today would have been Julia Child's 100th birthday. I'll be honest, I don't know much about Julia Child beyond what I learned watching Julie & Julia. But since she is credited with bringing French cooking to average families, I thought today I would write about bringing French eating to my average family.

A couple of months ago, my mom showed me a newspaper clipping about a book called “French Kids Eat Everything” by Karen Le Billon. I was mostly intrigued by the ideas that even toddlers don’t need to be snacking between meals and that families really can get through a meal without bribes or power-struggles. So, after returning home, I went to borrow the book from the library.

(It turns out, it’s a popular book. I had to wait almost a month for a copy to come available. And because there were so many holds on it, I couldn’t renew it, so I had to read fast to finish it before it was due. That part wasn’t hard though.)

It’s a great book. In fact, I’m considering purchasing my own copy.

So, what’s the book about? After moving to her husband’s hometown in Northern France, a mom of 2 young girls learns and eventually embraces the “‘food rules’ that help the French foster healthy eating habits and good manners”. Although the book is mostly about a ‘family food revolution’, it also got me thinking about how my role as a parent is more than just raising happy, healthy kids, but also about challenging them so they can become happy, healthy, and thoughtful adults.

In addition to the 10 Food Rules which the author devised for her family, some of the messages that really resonated for me were the following.

“It’s okay to be hungry between meals.”  
This might be life-changing. Really. I’ve always relied on the tactic of feeding my children snacks (albeit usually healthy ones), in order to avoid the inconvenience of an ill-timed tantrum, or the nuisance of nagging, needy whining, or the frustration of attention-seeking mischief-making. After all, they say that hunger can be a trigger for misbehaviour, right? And the quiet that comes when they’re all sitting at the table having a snack can be a sanity saver. Apparently, however, kids can learn to behave properly even when they’re hungry. And being hungry just means they’ll eat more of their next meal. Incredible concept. And not that hard to implement, either. I’m amazed.  I’m applying it to my life too. Along with:

Eat a bigger lunch and you won't need to snack.;
The stomach is a muscle, and must be allowed time to rest.; and
The French don’t eat in their cars, at their desks, in children’s strollers, or on the run.
The personal weigh management tactics I’ve (not very successfully) employed over the years have included eating small meals every 2-3 hours. That might work if you’re eating carrots all day, but it’s certainly not satisfying. If I were to eat just three decent nourishing meals, with maybe a healthy afternoon snack, I’d probably consume just as many calories as smaller meals more often. I’m trying. It helps to internalise the French attitude towards snacking in general: it just isn’t done.

I mean, just think of it. If I could really embrace the no snacking rule, it would abolish absent-minded noshing on sweets and treats while driving and working, and late night ‘rewards’ for surviving the day. Snacking could be a thing of my past. Maybe I could finally get a sensible handle on enjoying treats when appropriate. Maybe I could finally put an end to the year after year weight gain…

(I also want to read “French Women Don’t Get Fat”. I’ll let you know how it turns out.)

Desserts, sweets and treats are acceptable. Just not all the time, and not in large quantities. If you eat them less often, you might just enjoy them more!
I like the idea of adopting the lunch menu criteria set out by the education ministry in France. It’s guidelines are pretty specific, not just about how often fish must be served, or the ratio of raw to cooked vegetables during the week, but also that sweet desserts must be served only once or twice per week. There’s still dessert on the other days, but dessert also includes yogurt and fruit. Dessert doesn’t need to mean cake, chocolate and ice cream. We can totally do that. I mean a treat is supposed to be special, right? So, if we eat it on a regular basis, how special is it, really?

Teaching your children healthy eating habits and good manners is as important as your teaching your children to read, and more important than over-participating in extracurricular activities. 
I sometimes worry about when the kids are bigger and we’ll be super-scheduled with dance classes, gymnastic meets, soccer practice, and swimming lessons. (x3!) Since this seems to be the North American norm, it’s no wonder that families don’t eat dinner together, or when they do, they’re wolfing down fast food in the car. As Karen Le Billon points out, traditionally, the French would never consider sacrificing the family dinner for recreational activities. It’s more important to impart the lessons of what to eat, how to eat properly, and how to socialise at mealtimes.

We should value our food, so it’s okay if it costs more.
After all, our bodies should be nourished with healthy, wholesome food. Granted, we all like (and often need) to save money, but we should appreciate our health enough to choose healthy, real food over processed food products, even if it is more expensive.

Child care centres and schools should also be involved in food education. 
If you accept that food education is as important as any other education, it makes sense to me that it should be taught in schools.  And not just in theory, but in practice. Thankfully, our child care centre has a wonderful food provider, and the school has a breakfast and hot-lunch program. I was appalled to read about some schools who allow children just 10 minutes for eating lunch! My oldest hasn’t even started in the lunch program at school yet, and already I’m ready to launch into action if she isn’t given the chance to sit down and properly eat her meal.

“Children are grown-ups in training.”
I’m not sure why this one hit-home for me so much. I must have recognised it at some level, but reading it in such simple language really emphasised for me that my role as a parent is not just about dressing, feeding, bathing and disciplining. Maybe it’s because my children are starting to be little humans and not so much dependent-babes. But in reading this, I consciously recognised that my role as a parent is most importantly to help my children become healthy, happy, responsible adults. It kind of helps give perspective too.

So, although eating like the French is about more than just baguettes, croissants, fancy cheese, chocolate and wine, that’s okay. Our family is going to be happier and healthier for it!