Just an average working mom. I think that describes me pretty well, although I’m only starting to accept that this is now one of the main descriptions of who I am.
I’m sure I’m no different than any other working mom. I love my family. I enjoy my job. I struggle to find time, or to permit myself to make time, for myself. I feel guilty that I’m not spending more time with my girls. I worry that when I am with my children, I not always really there. I dislike the commute, wishing I could spend the time doing something more worthwhile. I contemplate what worthwhile activities I could pursue. I wish there were more hours in the day. I’m concerned that I’m not contributing or participating enough at work. I’m happy to have my mind stretched and challenged at work. I wonder where my career is heading. I often adore and occasionally endure my children. I wonder if this is all I’ll ever be.
After being married to my wonderful husband for 4 years, we were ready to start a family. We proceeded to have 3 children in less than 3 ½ years. The youngest just turned two, the oldest is coming up to 5 ½, and the middle child is right smack in the middle. They are beautiful, thoughtful, caring, independent and spunky girls.
With a 12 month maternity leave for each child, I spent more time at home than I did in the office over a period of 4 ½ years. Now that I’ve been back to work for almost a year, I am allowing myself to admit that I can’t be good at everything. I am allowing myself to lower my standards. I am allowing myself to accept that being a working mom to a young family is a challenge. There are little, everyday challenges like trying to get dinner started when I walk in the door while at the same time giving time and attention to the girls. And larger, abstract challenges like trying to define my place in the world and reconcile the minutia of every day with the hopes and goals I once aspired to.
For some reason, although I already feel stretched, and there never seems to be enough time, I wanted to start writing about my experiences, my thoughts and my ideas about my life as just an average working mom. And so, here I go…