Superman and Old MacDonald

It was a difficult evening.  The commute home was long and slow.  I was trying to figure out what on earth we would eat for dinner.  I decided that I'd get the girls first, then make a quick trip to the grocery store for salsa and sour cream.  I was pretty sure I had everything else I needed for black bean quesadillas.  

Daycare pick-up started out just fine.  But after generously allowing them to play on the playground for a few minutes, I ended up counting down from three, screaming my children's names, and chasing after them one time too many.

There is no one else or no other thing in this world that gets me so angry as when my kids don't listen to me.  Especially at the end of a long day.  It would feel so good to yell.  But in the presence of other people, this doesn't seem acceptable. Which just makes me more angry.  The seething beneath the surface, deep breath, mental count down from ten, kind of angry.

I swear, I never had a temper before I had kids.

Dealing with difficult, insolent behaviour in front of other parents shouldn't be hard. They must all deal with the same things too.  So why do I worry that they are judging me, thinking that I have no control, that I'm too strict, that I need to be a more consistent with discipline, that I need to relax.  I'd love if people would look at me with three little kids in tow and think 'wow, she's really got it together'.  Instead, I'm afraid that people are thinking 'wow, that poor haggard woman really needs some help'.

I picked up Superman from the after school program for my oldest daughter. Superman is incredible. 

When the counsellors say Superman, the kids all stop what they're doing, look at the counsellor, put their hand in the air and their finger on their lips. There is silence.

I've started using Superman (albeit less successfully) at home. Sometimes I think I need someone to use Superman on me.

After a bit of a breather and snuggle at home, and a text noting that Husband wouldn't be home until at least 7, I made a decision about dinner. Old MacDonald to the rescue.

(My kids aren't the only ones to confuse McDonald's and Old MacDonald, are they?)
As it turns out, today was McHappy Day.  The girls were greeted by Ronald when we walked into the restaurant, and Olympic swimmer Zsofi Balasz sat with us to eat her Happy Meal. The kids had fun, and in spite of feeding them chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers and French fries, I felt somewhat redeemed knowing that I was supporting a worthwhile cause. McHappy Day helped to make me happier.

I also read this great post about acknowledging the difficulties of parenting young children.  It came to me at just the perfect moment.

And then, finally, the girls were asleep.

It was a happy ending to a challenging evening after all.

On parties and playdates

Yesterday, I dressed up as a princess to go to a birthday party with with almost-5-year old daughter.  It was a princess-party, obviously, attended by about a dozen friends from pre-school, and parental escorts, all dressed up.  The house was beautifully decorated with lanterns and banners. There were fancy cookies, pinwheel sandwiches, fruit kabobs, and a rice krispy tower. Rapunzel, herself, was even there as a special guest.

Meanwhile, beyond a gathering of aunts and uncles and grandparents, I have never even hosted a birthday party for any of my three girls.

I had always thought that turning five was a good time to start throwing birthday parties.  But my oldest is now six and a half, and my middle is about to turn five. And we're still party-free.

We also don't do the playdate circuit.

It's just always seemed too complicated to me.

As for birthday parties, my excuse is partly because my oldest's birthday is in early September,  before school starts.  And at five turning six, she didn't yet have a real established group of friends.  Or least friends for which I had the contact information for the parents. 

I guess that is the real problem here.  My unease in being socially outgoing.  I'm just not good at initiating relationships, making connections and developing friendships.

Which I'm mostly okay with, personally. 

But for my daughters, I know that I need to work harder on this.  It's hard to justify not giving them a birthday party just because I'm uncomfortable approaching their friends' parents.  I don't want to feel responsible for denying them opportunities to have fun with their friends, or for leading them to be as socially awkward as their mom.

So I'm going to work on this.  It'll be as good for me as for them, right?

Next question: Is two weeks enough advance notice for a birthday party invitation for my five year old?

How to spend a Sunday

My husband just asked me what I wanted to do today.

My answer is nothing really.  I don't want to make any plans.  I just want to let the kids watch tv. Play. Make a mess. 

Last week was a blur, and I never really felt on top of anything.  We ordered pizza one night for dinner.  I was pretty close to late picking up the kids on two nights.  I felt like I was scrambling all week long.

So for today, I've got some things that I want to get done.  (I'm also mentally working on a list of things to do when I plan for a week's vacation, i.e.  time off work to do work at home, sometime in May.)  But for now, I just want to try to get ahead so I can feel organised and prepared for the week ahead. 

Here's my list for today:

• Finally get around to explaining a variance in my T4 return for our payroll account for our nanny.  A $200 credit is watiting for us, if I can just figure out what accounted for the difference.
• Pick up our vegetables from the farmers' market winter box program.  Combine this with a trip to the park with the kids.
• Plan my meals for the week.
• Go to the grocery store.
• Make dinner for tonight and at least one other night this week.
• Oooh.  My hair appointment!
• Sign permission slips and registration forms for summer camps and programs.
• Drycleaning drop-off.
• Two or three loads of laundry.

• And finally, tidy up the mess left by kids playing with relatively little adult participation all day long.

Extracurricular Activity Guilt

I know... cute, right?

That was me, age 5, in costume for my first tap routine, "At the Codfish Ball", at my first dance recital. 

That was just the beginning.

Within the next two years, I was taking even more classes, and entering dance competitions and I continued dancing all the way through high school. 

I also remember swimming lessons, soccer and even theatre classes for a while.

Fast forward to today, and the extracurricular activities of my children.

My oldest is 6 and half.  The middle daughter is almost five.

They've been in swimming lessons, and a smattering of ballet classes and sports programs through the city's parks and recreation department.  And last fall, in our first attempt to commit to a more structured extracurricular activity, they took a weekly class at a local gymnastics club.

It was a weeknight class. From 6 to 7 o'clock for Kindergym.  And 7 to 8 o'clock for the older kids' recreational class.  The program lasted about ten weeks, and it nearly killed me.  Rushing home from work to pick them up from daycare, driving them to the gym, eating a packed dinner to eat before class, during class, or after class, waiting for my husband to arrive at the gym on his way home from work, him driving the younger two home once Kindergym had finished, me sticking aroung until 8 o'clock, taking transit home and ushering the oldest to bed.

We decided that weeknight classes are not worth the stress. 

But weekends are precious.  Do we really want to schedule more than one activity per weekend?  Potentially multiplied by three.

With two full-time jobs plus commuting times, and our desire for priority on family dinners and down-time, will we ever be able to commit to the time and schedules of extracurricular activities for our children?

It's not that I want my girls to follow in my footsteps.  And let me be clear: I do not want to be a dance mom.

But I worry that I'm not giving my daughters the opportunities they deserve to find a passion.  Or at least an extracurricular activity to pursue.

I know.  They're pretty young.  And I know this sounds crazy.  But I don't want to be responsible for denying them the chance to get good at something.  I think of talented musicians, elite level athletes, and skilled artists. It kind of goes with the idea that it takes 10,000 hours to achieve mastery. 

My daughter is coming up to 7.  If she doesn't start at something soon, how will she ever get good at anything?

How do you decide what activities for your children to pursue?  And how on earth, do you manage to fit it all into your busy schedules and life?

Totally Louse-y

Dear Lice,

You really know how to spoil a mood.

We've been having such a good week, filled with lots of things to celebrate.  And then, you made your reappearance. 

It wasn't enough for you to come home with our daughter in January.  You liked it so much, your nits decided to make themselves comfortable there once again.

Hearing about you today was so. totally. not. welcome. news.

Sure, you are tiny.  And you don't pose any health risk.  But you are such an incredible nuisance.

Getting through each day, each week, looking after our girls is challenging enough.  The additional worry of your infestation prevention and eradication just throws our routine all out of whack, and adds another stress that we could really do without.

Sure, Bill has taken up the daily lice check and nit removal.  But it's just one more troublesome chore to fit in.

Plus the initial whirlwind of an unscheduled shower, shampoo, lice treatment, wait, rinse, and replacement of all the bedding.  Right at bedtime, of course.

And don't you realise that I can barely keep up with the laundry as it is!   Your arrival puts me about five loads behind schedule.  And washing all the hats, scarfs, bedding, towels and everything in hot water - do you know what that is going to do to our hydro bill?

Oh, and the vacuuming.  Well, at least of the couch and the cushions.  But really.  Vacuuming?  C'mon?  Now you're also expecting me to tackle something from seldom-gets-done-list.

Just give us a break, won't you please, Lice?  Won't you please make this visit your last?

From a super-frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed,

Average Working Mom

Skiing at Smuggs

I'm still in the first couple of days back to reality after our family holiday last week.  After a wonderful vacation, followed by a busy weekend, it has certainly been hard to readjust to routine.  I don't quite feel ready to give up the holiday mindset.  Not just yet.   

So please allow me to fondly the details of our trip...

It was our annual family ski holiday with our in-laws.  Although we've skied in Vermont many times over the years, this was our first trip to Smugglers' Notch. 

Excited to have our three young girls learn to ski, we chose Smuggs this year because it is always highly rated by national ski magazines as a great resort for families, with excellent kids' ski programs.  Smugglers' Notch certianly did not disappoint!

Thanks to the incredible generosity of Grandma and Papa, the girls were registered for a week's worth of ski lessons.  Alice, not quite 3, and 4 1/2 year old Sophie were registered for five days of Discovery Dynamos Camp.  Six year-old Madeleine was signed up for four days of Adventure Camp and an additional half-day lesson.

Aside from lunch and bathroom breaks, the kids were all out in the snow from about 9 o'clock in the morning until 2:30 in the afternoon.  The afternoon program involved cookies, hot chocolate or lemonade and entertainment from the likes of The Friendly Pirate, a Magician, or a Science Show.

We couldn't believe it, but Little Alice was on the chair lift at Sir Henry's Hill by the third morning!  And Sophie and Madeleine were going past mid-station and skiing down from the top by their third day!  The teachers were kind, fun, supportive and overall amazing.

At the Cookie Races on Thursday afternoon, it was absolutely amazing to watch them ski down their little race courses.  And the pride on their faces when the reached the bottom to get their cookie and Snow Sport University diploma from Billy Bob Bear was priceless.

True to their accolades, the children's programs and activities at Smugglers' Notch were incredible.  And we didn't even get to take advantage of them all.  We did spend some time in the pool, and we checked out the FunZone, but with all-day skiing, the kids were very tuckered out by dinnertime.  One night, they were all asleep by just after 7 o'clock!  So we never made it to the skating rink, or to go tubing, and we unfortunately missed the Showtime Characters Dance Party on Thursday night, where winners from the Cookie Race are announced and race videos are shown.  Thursday nights also feature a Torchlight Parade and Fireworks.  We didn't get out to see the torchlight parade down the mountain, but we were able to watch the fireworks from the bedroom window in our condo.   It was a thrill for our little ones to watch fireworks for the first time.

We grown-ups were pretty tired out too.  Somehow I always forget how tiring a ski trip can be.  Being with Grandma and Papa for the trip, we would have had free babysitting if we were feeling lively enough for an evening out, which we never did.  But even for families who don't travel with their own babysitters, the Treasures daycare centre at the hill offers an "Kids Night Out Package":  for $30 a child, you can leave your kids (ages 3-11) at the centre for dinner and entertainment. How cool is that!

Perhaps the biggest downside to our trip was the weather.  (Thank you global warming.)  Not enough snow at this time of the season meant that my husband wasn't able to try out some of the expert runs he would have liked to ski.  And the +16oC weather on Wednesday, unfortunately made for some soggy skiing, and closed even more runs.  We were glad to see it get cold again on Thursday, but the rapid thaw followed by freezing temperatures left the slopes like 'skiing on a washboard', according to my husband.  I  wouldn't know since I chose to stay inside that morning and nap.  (Also important to any good holiday.) By Friday morning though, after some snowmaking and grooming, conditions were good again for our final morning of skiing on our trip.

We were also a little disappointed by the choice of restaurants and lack of shopping.  We brought and food for breakfasts and lunches, as well as meals for two evenings.  But part of the fun of a ski trip is heading out to check out some local restaurants at the resort or in the town nearby.   We had a decent meal at Morse Mountain Grille & Pub in the resort village on the night of our arrival, and ordered some great pizza from Riga-Bello's Pizzeria one night too.  But a trip into Jeffersonville to scout out restaurants for another meal left us a little disappointed.  We ended up at Three Mountain Lodge which had a charming ambience and fireside dining.  And although the kids menu was enjoyed by our little ones, I think our adult meals were little more than satisfactory.  

However, all in all, it was a great trip:  The girls can ski! Really ski!

The highlight of the trip for Daddy and Papa was skiing with Madeleine and Sophie after the Cookie Races. (Poor little Alice was exhausted and desparately needed a nap!) Sophie even asked to go for another run - It was like a dream come true!

We're looking forward to returning again next year.  And hoping for more snow!

Breaking the Rules

My husband and I consider ourselves reasonably strict parents.  After all, we need some order just to control the chaos.  But sometimes, there seems to be an awful lot of rules.  I know that the kids feel that way too: I've seen how they love to play school so they can be in charge and make the rules up for themselves.

Some of our house rules are etiquette rules.  Some rules are in place to guide our children's behaviour so that they can develop into considerate, courteous adults.  Others are about making sure we keep our kids healthy and safe. Some, admittedly, are made up on the fly.  Others are enforced inconsistently, depending on my mood; how tired I feel; if other parents are around; how many kids are involved; and mostly, if I really feel like insisting the rule be followed and then following through with a consequence at that given time.

The ironic thing about all these rules is how good I am at monitoring and guiding my children's behaviour and how poor I am at doing it for myself.  There are lots of rules that I try to enforce with my kids that I don’t follow myself.  

At all.   

Some of the double standards in our house are:

1. The two cookie rule.  According to Bill, there was a strict 'two-cookie-rule' in his house when he was growing up.  I'm sure we had something similar when I was a kid.  In principle, I think it's a good rule for teaching and practicing moderation, and we use it with our kids too.  But not me.  I allow myself three cookies.  And I've often been known to go beyond that limit too.  I should probably start enforcing this rule for myself.

2. No snacks before dinner.  The 'no snacking' rule seemed so revolutionary to me when I read about it in French Kids Eat Everything.  I was ready to whole-heartedly embrace it.   I haven't.  It's hard.  I'm much better at managing my kids' snacks than my own.  In addition to a glass of wine, I've ashamedly been known to nosh on some chips, crackers or cookies in the midst of making dinner.  Usually while shooing the kids down to watch TV so I can get away with it. I also confess to doling out a small, usually healthy, snack between getting home from the daycare pick-up and making dinner.  It just makes things a little easier.

3. Unless you’re wearing sandals, you need to wear socks with your shoes.  As for me, except in really cold weather, when my toes can no longer stand it, I avoid socks.  I can't stand wearing socks.

4. Keep your shoes on outside, even at the playground. I mostly follow this one.  Unless I'm in sandals and need to break into a run to save someone (usually my four-year-old) from some daring feat on the monkey bars.  It's hard to run in sandals in the sand.  However, my husband is a barefoot runner. While he doesn't technically run barefoot (he wears aqua socks to protect his feet), he often 'conditions' his feet in warmer weather by walking outside in bare feet.

5. If you get up from the table during dinner, it means you're finished - no dessert.  "Can I have some milk?" "I spilled my milk." "My fork fell on the floor."  Enough said.

6. No chocolate for breakfast.  For me, this rule generally only applies if there is no chocolate available for breakfast.

7. Sunscreen and hats.  I shouldn't admit this one.  I usually do, but not always, wear a hat.  And my face moisturiser has sunscreen in it.  But sometimes, that's all I get.  Especially as the summer wears on.  By mid-August, I'm tired of slathering my kids in SPF60.  I call it sunscreen fatigue.  After getting them all sun-safe, the extra time it would take me to do the same just seems like too much.  And I certainly don't reapply every 2-3 hours like I'm conscious of doing 
for them.

8. Wearing coats or sweaters and hats outside when it’s chilly.  I don't like being cold.  But I certainly worry more about my kids being warm than me.  And there are many times when they're wearing winter hats, but not me.  Why is hat head okay for them, but not me?

9. Put one activity away before starting a new one. Yeah, right. 

10.  No eating in the car.  I wish i didn't do this. It's right up there with the no snacking rule. But I do. Worse than that, it's usually chocolate.  Sometimes more than two.


What about you? What double standards are there in your house?

Little Challenges

I'm not really big on New Year's Resolutions.  

After several years of resolving (and failing): to work out more, to take the stairs at work, to cut out sugar, to abstain from chocolate, to spend less money, to lose 5, 10, 15 pounds... I've decided to change my approach.  

I'd rather feel proud of little incremental accomplishments throughout the year instead of suffering the defeat of a failing to achieve some larger goal. I'd prefer to set myself small goals and challenges to meet little-by-little, rather than trying to commit myself to some lofty ambition for the year. 

I've also learned that I'm usually more successful at goals to do or add something to my life, than goals in which I try to give something up.

So, I've given some thought to some small projects I might be able to work into my life this year:

1.  Eat more kale.  
2.  Use my slow-cooker more often.
3.  Go to the hair-dresser more than once a year.

And, oh yeah,
4.  Play my ukulele more often.

And since all goals should be SMART goals, I'll aim to eat kale, use the crock-pot and play my uke (not necessarily all together) once a week, and to keep me accountable, post my recipes and experiences here.   


As for the hairdresser, since I obviously need some help in this department: does every three months sound right?

A Christmas Letter

I wrote this spoof of an annual Christmas letter last year, after receiving one too many Christmas letters from distant relatives summarising the perfect events of their perfect lives with their perfect families.

I didn't send it.  Obviously.

Dear Friends and Family,


Well, another year has flown by, and it’s time to reconnect and share our news with you all. And since I’m really too busy to write personalised notes to those of you who I don’t contact regularly, everyone, even those really close friends and family who probably already know all my news, are going to receive this standard letter with my electronic signature on festive paper, that I hurriedly wrote at work while the boss was in a meeting.

The year started off with a bang, literally, when our oldest, Rebecca, crashed into a tree while learning to ski on our family trip. Although she suffered a concussion, she had no broken bones and was a real trooper. So far, no long lasting effects of brain injury are evident.

After Hannah’s first birthday in February, it was time for me to return to work. I was actually looking forward to escaping the chaos of a house full of 3 girls under the age of five with their daily whining and arguments over whose princess toy was whose. I figured that work would be somewhat of a vacation since it is easy to get away with looking busy at the office while not really doing anything productive at all.

Being a working mom again is difficult, although I revel in the challenge of balancing my professional, intellectual self with being a caring mother, cook, house-cleaner and laundress. I deal with the stress mostly by eating a lot of sweets and baked goods, knocking back a couple of glasses of wine each night, and lazing away the evenings in front of the television. My face may be getting more wrinkly, my hair more grey and my figure more rotund, but Greg says he still loves me, as long as I’m happy.

While we would have loved to have the girls return to the day care centre in the neighbourhood school, the spots were full. The cost would have been prohibitive anyway, so we ended up with the most reasonably-priced nanny we could find. The girls really like her, probably because she lets them get away with nearly anything, doesn’t make them tidy up (she doesn’t do it either), feeds them lots of McDonald’s and sweets, and lets them sit around and watch soap operas with her all afternoon.

Greg is as busy as ever at his job. He took on a new management role in May with a large team of mostly young women. While he often has to work late, and has even taken a couple of overnight business trips, he loves coming home to the family and tries not to be too grumpy with us. The women he works with are very nice, often staying late at the office with him to give him massages and help him relax. He is keeping in excellent shape; he frequently goes out running and plays in a football league every single weekend too.

Hannah has grown so much over the past year. Now 22 months old, she is just about ready to potty-train. She is also sleeping in her own toddler bed for at least a couple hours of the night. She also really loves waking us up several times a night, just to be tucked back in her blankets again. Hannah is saying many words, and even some partial sentences, such as “Hannah awake, back bed, please”.

Rebecca and Leah have both been enjoying lots of recreational activities: swimming, ballet, gymnastics, and trampoline. While Rebecca seems to excel in ballet, Leah loves gymnastics and trampoline. That she continues to fall off the balance beam and trampoline will not deter her. Hopefully by the time she is 4 next year, she will be better coordinated and less bruised. Unfortunately, her instructors have told us that it looks like she will be too chubby and uncoordinated to ever pursue gymnastics at more than a recreational level.

Rebecca started Senior Kindergarten in September. She really enjoys sitting alone at the craft table, and doesn’t seem to mind that the other kids laugh at her when she talks about the stars she sees in her head and the bumblebees humming in her ears. The teacher says that Rebecca is a pleasure to have in class and not to worry, eventually she’ll learn to focus her attention and figure out the sounds that the letters make.

It seems that I’ll have more time on my hands come the New Year as I was just let go from my job. Apparently, using company resources and time for personal use is frowned upon, even if you don’t think anyone has noticed.

Well, that wraps up the highlights of 2011 for the Hargrove family. I wish everyone a joyous holiday season and all the best for the New Year. And while I hope that we might do a better job of keeping in touch in 2012, I know that the next time I will probably even think of most of you is when I print off your address labels for next year’s letter.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Average Working Mom

Suppertime with Shirley Bassey

I've found another terrific parenting/cookbook!  

(Actually, my sister discovered it.  She had borrowed it from the library then loaned it to me.  I've since signed it out again in my name and renewed it twice... I'm just not ready to give it up yet!  This statement may be interpreted as a suggestion for a Christmas/birthday gift.)

Dinner: A Love Story, evolved from a website, written by former magazine food writer and editor, and mom of two, Jenny Rosenstrach, and it is a pure pleasure to read.

Although it is filled with simple, healthy, quick family dinner recipes, what I really love about this book is that it's not so much a cookbook, but a working mom's memoir about her commitment to preparing healthy meals and have dinner together as a family.

I knew right away that I could relate to Jenny Rosenstrach when she wrote about her meal log - her 'dinner diary'.  She has faithfully recorded every dinner cooked and/or eaten since 1998!   A little obsessive, perhaps, but definitely organised.  As many working moms have learned, she further proves that being organised about meal planning is very helpful in conserving whatever shred of  sanity that we can save.

Her story begins in the pre-children phase, when she and her husband began establishing their "rituals, relationships, and repertoires".   Learning recipes; supplying the cupboards, shelves and drawers with the essential tools and cookbooks; gaining appreciation for quality ingredients;  hosting easy and inexpensive dinner parties, and all-in-all, getting comfortable in the kitchen and laying the ground work for the soon-to-be family love affair with dinner.  

Some great 'back-pocket' recipes are introduced here, such as pasta with herbs and bread crumbs, black bean burritos, and oh, the wonderful chicken pot pie.   I wish I had taken a photo of the chicken pot pie... it was not only scrumptious, but beautiful.  (Note to self: put this on the meal plan again for next week.)

The story continues with discussions of her techniques and strategies for surviving new parenthood while still having decent and healthy meals. Her talk about having 2 children under 2 obviously resonated strongly with me (I even got to extend this crazy period of life to having 3 under 3 1/2... a lot of which is a blur) and brought back many memories: 

• eating meals in shifts
• trips to the grocery store being a special outing
• walking through the day caring for young kids in a foggy, sleep-deprived haze, and
• the extreme importance of successfully dividing and conquering the roles and responsibilities involved in running a household while parenting little children

Reading this chapter also made me recall how proud I felt on those days when we successfully prepared a decent meal and had all the clean up done before I collapsed into bed.   It was always such an accomplishment.  I have no real recollection of the meals that we ate.  Alas, I didn't keep a dinner diary.

I chuckled out loud reading about her 'onion trick'.  My mom always used to say the same thing... as soon as you start sauteing an onion, the kitchen smells like something good is cooking.

From this section, I tried the apricot-mustard baked chicken, chicken with bacon-y brussel sprouts, spinach tomato and feta frittata, and fish presents.  All delicious and well-received!

Spinach, tomato and feta fritatta

Apricot-mustard baked chicken with roasted vegetables

Chicken with bacon-y brussel sprouts

(My photographs do not do the meals any real justice; the photographs in the book , both of the meals and of everyday life, are outstanding.)

As her children grew from being toddlers to little kids, the author promises that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - the milestone of preparing and sitting down to family dinners without too much stress, fuss or fighting is upon us.   That glorious moment when you realise that your children are playing happily and you can sneak away to start preparing dinner.   I am coming to really appreciate the kids programming on TV after we get home from school so that I can have a few moments of relative peace to pour myself a glass of wine and start cooking.
With wine in hand is how I found myself preparing the recipes for royal salmon with yogurt-mustard dill sauce, and mustardy pork chops with apples and onions. 

Since dinner preparation is usually only begins at about 5:45 at our house, the primary criteria for recipe selection is preparation time.  Besides being made from fresh ingredients, it's important to point out that most of the recipes in this book take less than 40 minutes to prepare.  And most importantly - the preparation time written for the recipe is accurate!  Including vegetable chopping-, and trip-upstairs-to-help-the-2-year-old-wipe-her-bum-and-wash-hands time!

Whether fictitious or not, I laughed at the correspondence between husband and wife about barbecuing fears and responsibilities; I too, am not only fearful of the using grill itself, but afraid of stepping into my husband's territory!

I also loved Jenny's parenting philosophies and her interpretation of creating habits and routines as an example of laziness.  But in a good way.   When rituals are in place for getting ready for school, dinnertime, bedtime, etc., we as parents don't need to think too much.  We can resort to autopilot, which is kind of what we need at the end of a long day.

Aside from some great recipes, there are also many gems of ideas in this book:

• chalkboard painting of tried and true family recipes to the inside of a kitchen cupboard
• a make-shift miniature 'dollhouse' created with magazine photographs on the inside of a kitchen cupboard
• a list of essential items and cookbooks for every kitchen
• the 'conversation starters' for children at the dinner table
• an exact schedule and menu for hosting a grown-up dinner party with children 'underfoot'

I don't read a lot of cookbooks, so I don't know whether her approach is unique or not.  But I certainly enjoyed the way that the recipes were interspersed with little explanations and personal stories of their relevance in her life.  It was the personal anecdotes of familiar situtations which made the book so enjoyable, and also encouraged me to believe that creating healthy family meals with young children is possible.  Definitely not easy, but certainly doable.

Now you can see why I've been so reluctant to return Dinner: A Love Story to the library.   It's due back on Friday.  I promise to return it so someone else can enjoy it as much as me.

Should they stay or should they go?

We continue to battle the germs in this house.  I knew conquering cold and flu season wouldn't be easy, but it's only November, and it has already taken its toll on me.  I think the fact that there are three little kids in this family exponentially increases the number of germs we are exposed to, and hence, the frequency of illness.  It probably also compounds my guilt.

I hate seeing my little ones feeling miserable.  But empathy is not the only emotion I feel when they're sick.  I also feel guilt.  Lots of guilt. 

... Guilt for sending them when they should be staying home. 
... Guilt that I'm taking a 'work-from-home' day when they don't seem that sick. 
... Guilt that I kept the older one home from school 'cuz she's easier to look after, but sent the little one even when she's coughing as much as the older one. 
... Guilt that I should've taken them to the doctor earlier. 
... Guilt that I'm taking them to the doctor unnecessarily and using up valuable healthcare time and money. 

  

I realise that I should mostly trust my gut instinct when deciding when my kids should be staying home, or when they should be seeing a doctor. But my gut isn't very decisive. 

Some things are obvious, like the daycare 24-hour fever-free policy or not sending a kid who is vomiting and has diarrhea.  But it's the less obvious symptoms that always have me second guessing myself.

So, while at home today with my youngest who has a chest and ear infection, I've done some research on child care health policies, public health websites and other sources of information on the Internet.   And, I've come up with the following guidelines to (at least sort-of) follow when trying to determine whether my children should be going to school or daycare, or whether I need to figure out who and how we can stay at home.  Again.

  They shouldn't be going to school or daycare if:

1. They've had a fever within the last 24 hours.
2. They don't seem to feel well enough to participate in the activities there.
3. They have a persistent, phlegmy cough and are cranky or lethargic or wheezy.
4. They've vomited more than once within the last 24 hours.
5. They have had more than three bouts of diarrhea in the last 24 hours.
6. They have a reportable disease or an infectious illness such as impetigo, conjunctivitis, or strep throat.

It's okay for me to send them to school or daycare if:

1. They have a cold (i.e. sore throat, runny nose, cough), but no fever, and feel well enough to participate.
2. They have an ear infection.
3. They have a stomachache with no other symptoms.

I should take them to a doctor if:

1. They've had a fever for more than 3 days.
2. They have a really high fever (e.g. more than 104 degrees).
3. They have a cough that is getting worse or not improving after a week.
4. They're vomiting blood or there is blood or mucous in their stool.
5. They have a stomachache along with vomiting, diarrhea, fever and lethargy.

There.  Now that I've compiled some rules and checklists, I feel better.

Hopefully, the little girl will feel better soon too.

Dear Germs,

This is an EVICTION NOTICE.

You are no longer welcome in our home.

I understand that you are only trying to survive by moving from child to child, jumping from hand to nose to mouth.  I appreciate that you didn't come specifically for us, that we are just a convenient vector for your life.  I know that you aren't attacking us personally and that many of your friends and relatives are visiting our friends and relatives too.

But enough is enough.  I don't want you around anymore.

I can't take any more of the fevers and the coughing and the nose wiping and the whines of "my ear is sore" from my children. 

I'm tired of stressing over whether my children are well-enough or too-sick to go to school and daycare.  Of anticipating a phone call from the daycare informing me that my child has a fever.  Of feeling guilty about wanting them to be healthy enough to go, only so I don't have to figure out who's going to stay at home with them this time.  Of wondering if they really should be going to see the doctor or not.

So last night, after waking up with one of my children for the too many-th night in a row due to a fever or cough or stuffed up nose, when I was trying to settle back to sleep, but realized that now I was feeling all achy and congested, I decided that your little virus party is over.

You are being evicted from our home.

We're upping the daily dose of vitamins, adding probiotics and orange juice, 
getting our flu shots, and implementing and enforcing strict hand-washing-no-face-touching-or-nose-picking rules in our house. 

I know that you won't leave without a fight.  But I'm not backing down.

I don't want any more 'sick' in my house.

Kind regards,
Average Working Mom

Losing It

I hate it when it happens.  Luckily, it hasn't happened for a while.  But tonight, I lost it. 

I lost my temper.  

My anger had been building up all day.  But there was no good reason for it.


By bedtime, I was tense.  My nerves were frayed, and my non-listening, talking back, whining, make-a-big-deal-out-of-every-little-thing children were getting on every last one of them.
(Hind sight being 20/20 and all, I can appreciate now that they were feeling the same way.  It's a long day for kids too.  I should have just put them to bed.)

Right before turning out the lights for bedtime, (If only I could have held out a few minutes longer...) the unfortunate target for my outburst was my oldest daughter. But of course, all girls were scared by my yelling.

Quickly stepping back from my tirade, I snuggled with all the girls, and apologized for losing my temper.  I tried to explain that it was okay for me to feel angry, but even if I was tired and grumpy, I shouldn't have yelled.  That the way I behaved was wrong and not acceptable.  That even though I was angry and that I yelled, I love them more than anything in the world.

Here's how they reacted:

2.5 y.o. Daughter -  "When you're naughty, you have to go in cave with Spider-Man.  Then you can come out".  Big hug and kiss.

6 y.o. Daughter on hearing what youngest said - Laughed.  "Just try to be nicer next time".  Lots of big hugs and kisses.

4 y.o. Daughter - Fell asleep.

Assuming that we all lose our tempers from time to time, how do you talk about it with your kids?

Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat (An average day) - Revised

My first post to this blog was a description of my average day.  Things have changed a bit since then: we no longer have a nanny, the girls to daycare, I've been attempting to gain some control of my days by waking myself up before the girls do, and the girls have become a little more independent while I've become a little less controlling.  

Alas, my Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat needed a revision.

Alarm at 5:34 a.m. playing Christina Aguilera's Beautiful.  Hope that the song will boost my confidence and bolster me for the day before I even open my eyes.  Wonder if it might work subconsciously.  Turn the alarm off before she finishes singing the first phrase, and will myself out of bed.

Creep downstairs, trying to avoid the creaky spots.  Put on the kettle for tea and roll out the yoga mat.  Stretch out my back in an effort to keep it from going out on me again.  (Once I'm convinced that my back can handle it, return to a morning run a couple of times a week.)

Quietly suggest to the dog that it's time for a walk.  Hope that his yawny stretches, body shaking and ear flapping don't wake the children.   Curse the hinges for squeaking as we head out the door.

Try to relax and enjoy the walk instead of feeling frustrated at his numerous stops to sniff and pee.  Convince myself that this is a time for solitude and quiet reflection instead of another time-consuming chore.

Hope that the children are still in bed when we sneak back into the house.

Finish assembling breakfast necessities, packing snacks, water bottles, permission forms, lunch payments, swimwear, indoor shoes etc. into backpacks. Say good morning to the first little person to peek through the banisters on the stairs.

Sigh.

Give good morning hugs and kisses.

Finally drink some of the tea that I made in a travel mug when I first got up but forgot to take with me while walking the dog.

Brush and style daughters' hair with varying levels of resistance while they eat breakfast.  Silently hope that they don't ask for more toast.

Assist the littlest one and supervise the others with getting dressed, brushing teeth, making beds and putting away clothes. Shower quickly with at least one interruption from a daughter asking about something that daddy has already answered. Get dressed and brush teeth while asking children to put the markers away, get their shoes and backpacks and jackets on and/or stop fighting with one another.

Give 'have a good day' hugs and kisses to children and husband while helping to usher them out the door.

Get in car. Hope for an easy drive.  Listen to radio. Drive to office with a wandering mind. 

Arrive at work. Make more tea and breakfast for self. Work. If workload and timing of office arrival versus time of necessary departure from office permit, dash out at mid-day to quickly run errands or buy groceries. Leave office by 4:40 p.m. in an attempt to beat the worst of the traffic. Hope for an easy drive.  Get home, park the car, walk over to the school to pick up the girls. 

Attempt conversation with my daughters about their days while wrangling them away from the playground.  Coerce them to walk nicely together.  Persuade the littlest that her feet don't hurt and that she isn't too tired to walk the short distance home.  Attempt to discourage children from picking up any more rocks/sticks/leaves/berries.  Inevitably, carry the littlest girl. 

Enter the house.  Say 'yes, you may watch Wild Kratts' while trying to sound reluctant but actually ecstatic for the 30 minutes of (hopefully) relative peace during which I can put away backpacks and shoes, tidy up the kitchen from breakfast, prepare dinner, and possibly sweep the toast crumbs and pet hair off the floor. Feed dog.

Intervene in one or more sibbling squabbles.  Give praise and encouragement for the pictures coloured by at least one daughter who has lost interest in the Wild Kratts and come to the table instead.

Eat dinner. Listen to stories from children, encourage children to eat their meals, ask children to sit properly, clean up spilled milk, and attempt mature conversation with husband.

Bedtime routine.  May or may not involve a bath, depending on day of the week, how dirty they are or what sticky things they have put in their hair. Assist children with getting dressed into pyjamas, brushing teeth, and putting away clothes. Read stories. Sing songs.

Sigh.

Tidy up kitchen. Put away any toys, markers or craft materials left lying around. Move laundry from washer into dryer. Put a load of laundry in the wash. Walk the dog.  Sign permission forms, reading lists and cheques for school programs.

If time and energy permits, attend a yoga class, try to do a self-chosen activity, converse with my husband or watch television while folding laundry.  
Prepare snacks for school.  Organise lunch for tomorrow.

Put laundry into the dryer, and put another load in the wash.

(Ideally, but often left for another day) Put away clothes. Climb into bed. Hope that none of my children pee in their bed tonight. Collapse into sleep.

Repeat.