Monday, 13 February 2012

Love, work and chaos

I made cookies for Valentine's Day for my girls.  Heart-shaped sugar cookies.  Pink, heart-shaped, sugar cookies.  Enough for big sister to take some to school for her class party, and enough for middle and littlest sister to take some to share at the drop-in centre.  Enough that there is a few left at home for the girls to eat later.

I also made heart-shaped toast for Valentine's Day breakfast. 

I love doing these sorts of things for my girls.  My hubby calls it 'being such a mom.'  He means it in an affectionate way, and I'm proud of it too.  I love being a mom.

I love making cut-and-paste Valentines with them.  I love taking them out sledding in the snow.  I love snuggling with them in bed.  I love reading to them (except for Disney princess stories, but that's another post).  I love making play-dough for them.  I love singing to them.  I love dancing with them after dinner.  I love playing with them.  I love listening to them tell stories.  I love colouring with them.  I love hearing them giggle.

But as much as I love being with them, I am comfortable in admitting that being a full-time stay-at-home mom is not for me.  I don't mean to be controversial.  I am fully supportive, and somewhat in awe of those who do it.  But for me, returning to work was about more than just economics.  It was also about my sanity.   I'm really good at looking after my kids, and managing our household.  But while being at home on maternity leave, I learned that I'm not always so good at stepping back to enjoy my children.  It can be hard to break from the housework and the list of all the things I believe need to accomplish, in order to just spend time with my kids. 

So, as terrible as this might sound, spending less time with my children allows me to enjoy them more.  In spite of the dinner to be made, the laundry to be done and the housework that perpetually awaits, I feel as though spending the workdays at the office grants me permission to just relax (a little) when I'm at home.   By allowing myself to let my standards to slide, I can just spend time doing some of the fun mom things that my girls and I love so much.

So let the dinner wait.  I've earned the time to read one more story before starting the spaghetti.  Vacuuming can be put off for another couple of days.  I deserve these moments of love and chaos with my kids.

I love being a (working) mom.

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