Wednesday, 24 October 2012

A Life Changing Event

Do you ever wish that some kind of monumental event would happen in your life?  Something that would knock you sideways and force you to change the way you live.  Something that requires you to reassess your priorities and really do something about them.  Something that might change your life.

Here's what happened this morning:

In an email from the CEO first thing this morning, it was announced that the company would be reducing and reorganising the workforce, and that each and every department would be affected in some way by these changes. 

What a way to start the day.  

I got that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.   Dread.  Worry.  Anxiety.

I started to worry about how much I contribute at work.  How valuable I am to the company.  How often I cram in my work and dash off to care for my kids. 

I thought about all my colleagues in my department and in the organisation as a whole.  Who would be let go?  Who's role is redundant?  Who isn't pulling their weight?  Could I be one of them?

With each ding of email notification, my stomach dropped a little lower.

I couldn't decide if it was a good or not-so-good thing to be working from home today.  Working from home to care for my sick daughter.   Away from all the sadness and tension at the office, but also disconnected from it. 

And what if I was on the list?  Would I get a call at home?  Would they wait until tomorrow?

As I went out to walk the dog, I thought about it a lot.  What would I do if I lost my job?

I wouldn't be a working mom any more.
I wouldn't feel so rushed all the time.  Rushing to get to work, to get my work done, to get errands done and groceries bought, to pick up the kids, to make dinner.
I wouldn't be subjected to the terrible commute by car each day.
I would be able to pursue other goals, ideas, dreams.
I would be able to get some exercise and take care of myself.
I might be happier.

So, maybe losing my job wouldn't be such a bad thing.  Maybe losing my job would be just the kind of monumental event I sometimes fantasize about.  Something that would really shake me out of the day-in, day-out of my average life, and allow me to find and pursue a real passion.  Maybe it would change my life for the better.

I wouldn't have my income.
I would have lost my job.
It would be devastating.
I would be shocked and heart-broken.

Soon after returning from my walk, I got an instant message from my boss.

"Can you call me?  I'm in the conference room."


That sickening feeling suddenly swelled up again.

Breathing steadily, I dialed and spoke cautiously through the hellos and how are yous.

Mercifully, she quickly got to the point.

I'm safe.  I still have my job. 

I'm still a working mom.

My heart goes out to my colleagues who lost their jobs today.

No comments:

Post a Comment